A little reflecting

Today I sat and wrote my first blog I have shared in many years. I used to write all the time and somewhere in the mix and chaos of my life, I stopped. I lost a big part of me over the years and while it takes time to get things back to heal and grow I am slowly rediscovering things about myself. 

Its funny that I didn't have any reaction to the words I wrote. I shared minimally in depth but at the same time a great extent of my personal history. Just last week I was talking to a couple friends about my past traumas and more in depth to some. It flared a panic attack and I sat there trembling. It is not a place I chose to live but that doesn't mean that is doesn't creep up on me from time to time. I was so thankful for a certain friend, I mentioned what was going on. He asked how he could help but really, talking and just telling him what was going on helped me. 

I may have processed what was needed at one point in my life but that doesn't take it all away or make it better. I spent many days drinking from the time I woke up, eating like crap and going through my motions to survive. My divorce left me feeling disconnected, broken, alone. I have quickly discovered I am not any of those things. I may not have blood family in Idaho but I have many friends who I consider family. 

I have learned self care is important, taking time for me is important. I self indulged in unhealthy coping skills a lot, did things I wasn't proud of. I fell from where I was and had to learn to grasp onto where I could, so I could catch myself and pull myself up out of where ever I was going. I had 12 years I felt I needed to make up for. 

So tonight I sit here and reflect on what I shared. Like I said, I had no emotion what-so-ever as I sat and typed. But sharing it was another story. It isn't about being praised for what I have been through but rather letting people know that this stuff happens and they are not alone. There is a way out and while it may be simpler for some that isn't always the case. People can effect us, hurt us and cause so many issues that are under the surface that we might fear talking about. Find your person, your people that encourage you to be the best version of you. 

Don't let life and circumstances hold you back from reaching the impossible. Nothing really happens over night but rather over time. So build yourself and know any growth, healing, accomplishments take time, work, effort. We can do anything we put our minds to. The impossible is possible.